Validation

Whether they’re willing to admit it or not everyone wants validation. Physical validation, emotional validation, mental validation, aural validation, visual validation,etc.–most people like some sort of hint that their existence matters to somebody somewhere, that they are accepted and loved. One could link this to psychology and self-esteem or philosophize about the human need for connection (intimate or otherwise). One could also look at it biologically, but why not look at it in terms of happiness since that is the way most people make decisions (whether or not something will bring pleasure pain etc.).

My father told me that a good way for me to find tangible happiness was to join a local church near my college and work in the nursery; he said children give happiness because all they want/need is love and attention and care. In short, children need validation, and giving validation would involve me in another person’s life and bring me happiness in return.

One may validate another platonically, but how does that work in a romantic relationship? Because if a miniature adult actively seeks and requires validation doesn’t the adult as well?

Well, a relationship is a partnership, a basic agreement that the two will attempt to fulfill the needs (whether they be emotional, physical, mental, etc.) of the other to the best of one’s abilities. It’s a loose agreement and malleable to the relationship and circumstances the couple finds themselves in. As each relationship is based off a different couple dynamic there exists a variety of types of couple relationships, which means that there are a variety of ways that couples validate each other.

Validation is perhaps one of the most important parts of a relationship. It requires a person to trust the other person with a part of their character and affirm it, to express that it is acceptable and awesome and okay. It’s honesty and trust and truth; it’s love. You may validate someone with a hug, by cuddling, saying sweet words, joining him in an activity that he really likes but you normally wouldn’t do, or by taking extra time to do something special for her.  It really only requires one to be able to communicate effectively and its limits are the limits of one’s imagination. It’s a way of trying to make one’s partner happy, content.

Problems occur when messages aren’t received or are simply not being sent. When someone expresses that the other isn’t worth their time, effort, love, etc.–that their priorities are vastly different from your own–how are you supposed to adjust? It’s a heartbreak to be sure when one believes that he/she is not a priority, not important enough. “Could there be something I’ve done wrong? Maybe I’m being too needy? Maybe she needs space. Perhaps he’s just busy.”: the list of statements dictating emotional stress could be endless but they are all saying the same thing–I’m somehow not good enough, there’s something wrong with me.

If one is constantly giving and not receiving (or vice versa because sometimes there are people who have a hard time accepting  validation), perhaps it is time to take a step back, look at the situation, and see what is and isn’t going on. Perhaps it is time to have a conversation with one’s partner and see where one stands.

This isn’t stress you need in your life.The opposite of Love is not Hate but Indifference–to live in constant relation to the object of one’s affection yet fail to move or affect their life, their soul. To feel inadequate.